The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
