well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
