i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
