Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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