I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
