I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
