ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
