I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
