Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Randomize
