Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
