I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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