I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cut my penus on the lid.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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