My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
