Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
