Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
