god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
