If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This baby is an asshole
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
