At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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