The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
