Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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