hotel room ftw
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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