how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
