why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
