all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
