fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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