Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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