Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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