It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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