you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
