I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
handjob tips. give me some.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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