ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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