What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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