Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
