If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
