fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
