i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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