life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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