Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
