I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
