Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
