I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
