someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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