The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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