On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You are a genius and a whore.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
