so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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