I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
