What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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