Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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