Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
