I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
