Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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