what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
