note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
