32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
