just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
