This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
