Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
