Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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