I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
