It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
