Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
