well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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