my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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