Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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