Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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