That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
