Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
