Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
