just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
