some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
