Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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